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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26646229">Tiny Little Baby Knives</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilecapricornpanic/pseuds/fragilecapricornpanic'>fragilecapricornpanic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>PRE-WRITTEN, Pre-Canon Sibling Encounters [73]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ben Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves Friendship, Canon Compliant, Diego Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Good Sibling Ben Hargreeves, Good Sibling Klaus Hargreeves, Humor, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, No Incest, No Slash, One Shot, One Shot Collection, POV Alternating, Pre-Canon, Protective Ben Hargreeves, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 09:28:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,186</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26646229</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilecapricornpanic/pseuds/fragilecapricornpanic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Request</p><p>One shot surrounding Klaus manipulating Diego into getting his nipple pierced - partly because he wants him to get over his fear of needles, partly because it would be hilarious.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Hargreeves &amp; Diego Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>PRE-WRITTEN, Pre-Canon Sibling Encounters [73]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1869709</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Tiny Little Baby Knives</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thanks noodlerdoodler for the fun request. This is the first one shot I’ve wrote in months lol I hope it isn’t shitty.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“It’s very childish. I mean, you have literal knives strapped to you all the time. It makes no sense. Needles are like tiny little baby knives, you really need to get over your fear.” Klaus babbled irritatingly from the backseat. “Maybe you should <i>develop</i> that fear.” Diego bit back, feeling embarrassed about his phobia. It was like something a tween girl would be scared of, not a grown man. Annoyingly, Klaus kind of had a point about the knives. His brother stupidly kicked Diego’s seat, clearly unbothered by the idea of them getting into a crash.</p><p>Ben supposed both of them were making fair statements. He too wished Klaus wasn’t so enamored by the appeal of the instant high, and he also knew Diego’s fear was going to have to be addressed at some point. Though, he completely understood why Diego was so petrified of them. “You know the tattoo traumatised him.” Ben reminded Klaus droningly, knowing he’d get some kind of curse word hissed at him. “No shit.” his seance brother predictably hissed, rolling his eyes as if Ben was the idiot. </p><p>—</p><p>“What if you get sick?” Klaus randomly blurted, scaring the everliving shit out of Diego. He blinked with confusion, struggling to guess what his brother was referring to. “The needles!” Klaus yelled, gesturing across to Diego’s arm. “I’m not gonna get sick.” he stated with confidence “<i>I</i> don’t treat my body like shit.” </p><p>Klaus scoffed, wanting to berate Diego for his unmistakably poor diet of instant noodles, eggs, and protein powder. “So people with cancer treated their bodies like shit?!” Klaus chuckled, knowing he’d just delivered a checkmate. Diego scowled at him, clearly caught off guard.</p><p>—</p><p>Patiently waiting for his brother to finally grow tired enough to shut the hell up for tonight, Diego felt inclined to knock him out himself. “Tetanus.” Klaus mumbled with no context, hardly keeping his eyes open. “Why would I get tetanus?” Diego groaned, bitterly impressed by Klaus’ ability to remain conscious. “In the vigila...”</p><p>“Vigilantism.” Ben reluctantly assisted his brother on receiving a confused glance. It was irritating to be used as Klaus’ walking dictionary. Klaus waved an unimpressed hand, too doped up to attempt the word.</p><p>“You know what I fucking mean.” Diego’s brother slurred with annoyance. Infuriatingly, Klaus had made yet another decent argument. There was a chance Diego would require a tetanus shot one day because of his work... it was disorientating to be outsmarted by <i>Klaus</i>. Especially when he couldn’t keep his head up.</p><p>—</p><p>The next afternoon, Diego internally chastised himself for being such a pushover. He wasn’t sure why he ever allowed Klaus to crash at his place, it wasn’t Diego’s problem that he was homeless. “Out.” he instructed, as though Klaus were a misbehaving dog. It wasn’t far off. “I’ll leave if you give me a ride?” Klaus bartered, obviously just wanting to spend more time shielded from the chill in the air. “Fine.” Diego grunted, wishing they lived in a warm climate. Klaus always showed his face more in the colder months, it was terribly inconvenient for Diego. Klaus clapped excitedly, dragging himself up from the tiny couch. “I’ve been thinking about rabbies.” his brother casually drawled as they headed out the door. “Why the fuck have you been thinking about rabbies?” Diego chuckled, unable to stop himself from laughing at the inaneness. </p><p>“The rabbies shot!” Klaus exclaimed, as though his train of thought should’ve been obvious to Diego. “Raccoons, squirrels, maybe opossums, probably even dogs. I know you like dogs. Cats might too, but I doubt you know any cats. That’s irrelevant anyway, one could still sneak up on you... Shut up, I’m not <i>teasing him!</i> This is serious!” Diego tried to tune out his brother’s continued rambling, storming ahead to get this encounter over with as soon as humanly possible.</p><p>—</p><p>Pulling up, Diego wondered where the hell Klaus was intending to stay around here. It seemed to mostly be places of business. His brother got out from the car, surprisingly not putting up a fight. Diego narrowed his eyes at his brother distrustingly as Klaus proceeded to fling the driver’s door open. “Come on, Stabby Doo.” Klaus giggled, yanking the keys from the ignition and bolting down the block. “Klaus?!” he shouted with confusion, jumping out of the car to chase after him. Why the hell would he only steal the keys? He hoped Stabby Doo wasn’t going to be a new nickname, Di was insufferable enough.</p><p>Diego caught up with his brother with almost no effort, since he ran out of breath after only thirty seconds. No wonder he got arrested so much. Klaus abruptly turned into a store, waggling the car keys around tauntingly. Diego began to follow him in to jostle them back, though he stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed what the place was. “No!” he yelled with fury. Klaus pointed to the keys with a shit-eating grin, walking backwards further into the tattoo parlor. He stumbled directly into a man who looked almost as strong as Luther, so Diego regretfully entered - not wanting his brother to be murdered. If anyone was going to murder Klaus, it should be Diego who did it. </p><p>“Sorry, big boy.” Klaus wheezed, almost doing a double take at the sheer brawn of the man in question. Diego walked in between them, puffing his chest like a pigeon. “We’re leaving.” his living brother grunted, shoving a hand behind his back in an attempt to wrestle the keys from Klaus’ grasp. “We’re not!” Klaus yelped mischievously, harshly kicking Diego in the heel and staggering over to the counter. He knew they would be just fine, Diego visibly had several knives strapped to him. “He’s getting a piercing.” Klaus confidently told the guy behind the desk, pointing over to his stabby sibling. He knew Diego would be too afraid of looking like a pussy to refuse in front of these guys. He was much too committed to his macho image. </p><p>After a threatening staring competition, the huge guy clearly decided his stature wouldn’t beat blades, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly and sauntering away. Turning around, Diego saw Klaus being handed a clipboard and pen by someone who worked there. “Where am I piercing?” the man asked, directing his question to fucking Diego rather than Klaus. Diego furiously scowled at his brother, who looked absolutely over the moon. He couldn’t say no, he’d look like a goddamn baby.</p><p>“My ear?” Diego awkwardly stated.</p><p>“His nipple!” Klaus yelped over him.</p><p>The guy looked from one brother to the other with a raised eyebrow. “Why the hell would I get my <i>nipple</i> pierced?!” Diego hissed, looking around the parlor sheepishly. </p><p>“You can hide it!” Klaus explained animatedly, wafting his own shirt to demonstrate his point. Really, Klaus just wanted him to get his nipple pierced because the idea of that was utterly hilarious, but Diego couldn’t know that. His living brother pursed his lips in contemplation, before finally nodding his agreement. Klaus bit down on his lip to prevent giggling like a schoolgirl. This may just be the best day of his life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’ll update my Diego fic when I can but bc it’s more serious I wanna make sure I have time to get it right.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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